The blessed alchemy of the word
– Lucas Vargas

My mother doesn’t say many things, she’s rather quiet. Only recently did I realize this. She worries me that she is limping because she hurt her knee, right on the leg that she has a little shorter as a result of the polio that she got when she was a child. It doesn’t seem to be anything serious, but it has been long and it doesn’t improve with time.

A general practitioner sent her physical therapy because that leg was weaker due to polio and she needed to strengthen it. My mother didn’t say anything to him, she went to her house and in a very responsible way she exercised her leg until she couldn’t take any more pain so she went to consult an orthopedic specialist.

The latter explained to her that she had an injury that had nothing to do with polio, that she did not have to strengthen but rather the opposite, she would have to rest and that she also needed surgery, she had torn her menisci. My mother didn’t say anything to him, she went to her house to rest. She didn’t say anything to me either, she didn’t say anything to anyone. We all know that her leg hurts and we see her limping without saying anything.

I don’t know if it’s because she’s a Virgo, because my grandfather forced her to always be quiet, or because she’s a true Buddhist, but my mother never has an opinion, doesn’t give advice, and doesn’t scold.

Today she is quiet too, we are walking together through the mall, there are few people, she goes with her cane and I go with my invisible fatigue, which of the two is more crippled?.

I talk, talk and talk because if I don’t talk I can’t stand it, I tell her I’m scared, that I’m twenty years younger than her and I’m much sicker and I’m terrified that her knee hurts. When she gets old I won’t be able to take care of her. I would love to take care of her when she is old but I won’t be able to because I have myalgic encephalomyelitis and don’t have the energy to do so.

“It is what it is,” she finally said. “What it is and whatever comes”.

Manu Vargas Fernández
July 2023